why is it that I feel myself to be a ghost?
The sun's rays shine straight through me as I sit
like a spectre on the wall of in-between.
You opened a door to the other side
and now it won't quite shut.
I fear that if I close it,
I might lose you forever.
Sure, I know how precious life is,
I have seen first-hand how tenuous our grip
but how can I live wholeheartedly when half
of my heart is on the other side of the wall
and the only access to it is through that door,
the door I cannot go through,
the door I cannot shut?
I want to seize the day -
it might be my last after all.
But the day I want to seize is a day with you in it
and the days we seized together
are numbered now and finite.
There will be no more.
So I sit on the wall with the door ajar
and hope for a time when
I might keep your presence
with me in the whole of my heart
and be wholeheartedly present,
my outline solid as the sun sets again
on a day well-lived.
Sunset on Burbage - 29th September 2015