Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Day 29 - the story of this story

I will write this story because it is all I can do.
If I were a painter I would splash my grief across the pavement.
If I were a singer, I would sing my love into the midnight sky.
But I am a writer.
And so I write.

I will write because the focus on the words gives my mind something to do instead of digging around in dark tunnels where there are no lights, or staring at clouds searching for a hint of silver.

I will write this story because I loved you and I want the world to know
that, at the end of life, there was love.
That at the end of life, love is all there is.

I will write this story because I want it recorded for all eternity that once there was a man like you and that he loved a woman like me and that it was beautiful.

I will write this story because I want to preserve every precious moment that we shared.

I will write this story because it is my story, and your story and our story.
In this story we can stay together, which is how you wanted it.
As a writer, I am all-powerful: your wish is my command.

I will write this story because it is a good story and a sad story and a big story and a true story.
And I am a writer and I know a story when I see one
even when it is handed to me in the most abominable way.

I will write this story so that people who didn't know you can understand how special you were.
I will write this story so that people who did know you might see a side of you that they missed.
I will write this story so that people might understand why I am so very sad.
I will write this story so that people might know that sometimes, sadness is what is. And that's ok.

At times I might have thought that by writing this story I could make sense of events which are senseless. But I am wrong. I am not all-powerful after all. Sometimes there is no sense to be made of things and searching for meaning is what drives us mad.

Sometimes I will write because, in the writing, I can forget for a moment that this isn't a story. That this was your life and my life. That you are gone. And that it ended. Some time in the first act.

But mostly I will write to remember.